I don’t know how I managed not to burn up with spontaneous combustion in the pool with Peter but I somehow managed to live. The kissing was great and the more we did it, the easier it seemed to be. I don’t know if I was great but at least I got to the point where I didn’t worry that he was going to laugh at me.
But now I’m worried. He said we’d go slow, keep to just kissing but I know eventually that won’t be enough. Christ, look what happened the other night. I still feel like a complete idiot, I didn’t know how to do anything. That needs to change though. I don’t want him to look at me with pity or something when I don’t know what to do.
So, while he’s working on the wall, I sneak away. I don’t want him finding out what I’m up to, what I’m doing. Fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing it either but it’s either die of embarrassment now or later and I’d rather do it when I’m by myself.
Tilting my head back, I look up at the sign on the building. I can hear my mother in my head, telling me that I’m being a dirty boy and that it’s horrible that I was even thinking of going in there. It was not somewhere that a good Catholic boy would go into and I bite my bottom lip before letting out a slow breath and go in.
The musty air surrounds me and I wrinkle my nose. Maybe I should forget it. I can just put Peter off, just keep it to just kissing but a flash of memory of the other night keeps me from turning around and leaving. I’m not Gabriel anymore; I need to do this so I don’t look completely pathetic. I’m fucking glad that Peter won’t ever see me in a place like this at least.
I move through the shop, trying to find something useful. Shiny black on the wall makes me look closer and I see some kind of mask with a zipper across the mouth. Christ. My face goes warm and I keep looking. The rubber penises are not helping either and I cringe away from them, not even wanting to accidently touch them. How can people just come into these places and not be freaked out?
Next to the masks are some whips and I tentatively reach out and run my fingers over them. I’m not into things like that and I don’t think Peter is but…I can’t help thinking back to the nailgun either. Giving my head a shake, I move further along.
Past the masks there are more dildos and some vibrators on a shelf. Under them are handcuffs, leather cuffs, a red ball…gag? Oh god, I really shouldn’t be in here but I force myself to keep going. I’m going to start something on fire with as hot as my face is. I’m more and more grateful Peter doesn’t know I’m here.
There are more masks, this time without even a zipper across the mouth and also dildos that are on some kind of strap contraption. I really don’t want to know what those are for, though I can hazard a guess. Next to those are round things and I lean closer to read the packaging. Cock rings. Jerking back like it was a cobra, I stare. Jesus. How could people come into these places? Next to the rings are some cone shaped things, some of which vibrate, and I don’t look any closer to them. Something else I don’t want to know about.
There are shelves of bottles and at least they don’t look too scary. Looking at them, I see mentions of flavored lotions, lube, edible panties and warming gels. I grab a couple of bottles of lube and stick them into my coat pocket, looking around to see if anyone had seen me. I hesitate a moment before grabbing some of the warming gels and the lotions. I don’t know if they’re something we’ll have a use for but I’m never coming back here so I may as well grab them now. Then I move further into the shop.
At the back of the shop there are shelves on the wall and I see DVDs. I’m almost afraid to touch them but I do so I can look at them, face screwed into a look of disgust. The first title makes me laugh out loud and I quickly look around to see if anyone heard me. Stupid Sylar, of course not but old habits die hard.
Harry Squatter and the Sorcerer’s Bone. Jesus. Now I can see why my mother said to stay away. I’m almost afraid to look at any others but I know I have to if I don’t want Peter to figure out that I’m practically a virgin. Putting the movie back, a title catches my eye and I wince.
Lord of the Cockring. I love the Ring trilogy, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to read it if I watch this but I pick it up. If I’m going to figure things out, I need to do this and I take a deep breath and slip it into my pocket. There are a few other movies that seem…informative and I grab them too. It’s not long before my pockets are full and I should leave.
But some books next to the movies catch my attention and I slide over to them, reading the titles. Most of them seem like the movies but there’s a couple that sound like how-to guides and grab them too, tucking them into the inside pockets of my coat. Christ. I’m going to have to find somewhere to hide these so Peter doesn’t find them. That’s all I need.
Walking quickly back to the front, I bypass the gels, the cockrings and almost bypass the whips but I stop. What the fuck am I doing? Before I can even think, I grab one of the whips with leather strips at the end and shove it in my pocket. I have no idea why but…whatever. I nearly run out of the store, wanting to get out of there before I do something else completely stupid. Racing home, I try not to think about what I’ve done and what it all means.